Another charming contender for Jake’s heart is the adorable Caitlin the Lobster Girl but alas her heart belongs to the Yard Bird. Under normal circumstances this would get under Jake’s skin but Yard Bird and Jake go way back and have much love and respect for each other, both being famous Washington roadside attractions. Below is Caitlin’s clever submission enjoy!
Born with the freakish disfigurement of claw-like hands and feelers I
was abandoned by my parents on the banks of the mighty Chehalis River.
Sheltered by the warmth of a Styrofoam cooler I survived until being
discovered by a sewage treatment worker and his belly dancer wife.
They enrolled me in charm school and raised me to be proud of my
crawdad characteristics and ample feminine attributes. I would make
the perfect Bride for Jake because we both enjoy simple swamp life and
the glare of the public spotlight. I also understand that Jake is a
ladies man and wont get too jealous because I happen to know for a
fact that he would get all of the pinch and tickle he needs at home.
As a small town girl I enjoy some of life’s simple pleasures such as
flea markets, floating the river, and the attention of older men. I am
passionate about the preservation of roadside attractions and am
currently working with a group to save The Chehalis Yard Bird. I hope
one day soon to take a route 66 road trip to view some of America’s
finest oddities and eat the biggest steak in Texas. Fun Fact: I was
once arrested for liberating 11 of my crustacean brothers from a tank
at an Oregon Red Lobster.
DON’T MISS the 2 annual Miss Yard Bird Pageant February 25th! I’m celebrity guest judging!!
