Eastside Speed Machine consist of former flapjacks members Louis Samora (guitar, vocals) Dan “Junior” Valadez (bass) Danny Knudsen (drums)This Rock ‘n’ Roll trio led by the legendary Louis Samora (founding member of the Jackals, the Flapjacks, and others; member of Los Explorers, the Torpedoes, the Rats, the Oblivion Seekers, the Lucky 13s, the Divining Rods, and many others), a fixture of the Portland punk, rockabilly, and rock ‘n’ roll music scene since the 70s.

Following in the tradition of the Flapjacks and the Jackals ESSM will blow your socks off with their no frills greaser rock n roll. Like em on Facebook!

Born with the freakish disfigurement of claw-like hands and feelers I

was abandoned by my parents on the banks of the mighty Chehalis River.

Sheltered by the warmth of a Styrofoam cooler I survived until being

discovered by a sewage treatment worker and his belly dancer wife.

They enrolled me in charm school and raised me to be proud of my

crawdad characteristics and ample feminine attributes. I would make

the perfect Bride for Jake because we both enjoy simple swamp life and

the glare of the public spotlight. I also understand that Jake is a

ladies man and wont get too jealous because I happen to know for a

fact that he would get all of the pinch and tickle he needs at home.

As a small town girl I enjoy some of life’s simple pleasures such as

flea markets, floating the river, and the attention of older men. I am

passionate about the preservation of roadside attractions and am

currently working with a group to save The Chehalis Yard Bird. I hope

one day soon to take a route 66 road trip to view some of America’s

finest oddities and eat the biggest steak in Texas. Fun Fact: I was

once arrested for liberating 11 of my crustacean brothers from a tank

at an Oregon Red Lobster.

DON’T MISS the 2 annual Miss Yard Bird Pageant February 25th! I’m celebrity guest judging!!

I was created under the big top tent. Well, maybe not quite under it,

but next to the generator outside. My parents were the highlights of

the circus freak side show. My mom was the bearded lady and my father

the strong man. They were madly in love. Sadly, they died tragically

in a canon related accident. My mother was to be shot from a canon

across the length of the big top. They lit the fuse, but nothing

happened. When my father peeked in the barrel of the canon to see if

she was alright; the canon suddenly shot propelling her right into my

him. They both died instantly. I vowed to leave the circus and never

return. The trouble is, you can’t forget where you came from and I

have to admit I miss it. Entering the bride of Jake contest is my baby

steps back to my roots. I would be a fantastic bride for Jake. My

ability to find beauty in all things has allowed me to see how

handsome Jake truly is…and I thought I had sex appeal. I imagine all

the fantastic times we’ll have taking holidays to exotic muddy

swamplands for some noodling…I am an expert at catching fish in this

manner! I understand that alligators have a slow metabolism. I would

take pride in capturing small lean animals for him to snack on. I

myself am a great lover and I’m very intrigued to try out his famous

‘death roll’ position. It turns me on just thinking about it.

I am ruggedly sexy! I got most of my beauty from my mother, but my

father had quite an influence over me, genetically, as well. Not only

do I have my mother’s beard, but my Father’s body hair too. I stopped

shaving about 12 years ago in honor of my heritage and because razors

irritate my delicate skin…razor burn is not sexy! In high school my

nickname was hermaphro. I think it was my five o’clock shadow that won

me the name. When we played Truth or Dare at parties making out with

me was always one of the dares. You always knew which boys had played

Seven Minutes of Heaven with me because they would show up at school

the next day with raw chins. High school was not a good time for me

and my life has been very lonely for the most part. When I heard about

this contest it stuck a cord in my heart. I thought to myself, “self,

you finally get a chance at love.” I’m also excited because even if I

don’t win it will be a great opportunity to meet other people with

eccentric physical aspects. So, not only do I get a chance at love,

but genuine friendship as well…Oh, happy days!

Beginning in 2001, the Long Beach Merchants Association began throwing an Annual 75th Birthday Bash for Jake. Read Jake’s blog for the story, as it has unfolded. The event takes place the first weekend in August this year it will fall on August 3rd and 4th 2012.

Watch the Friday (Bachelor Party & Live Band) and Saturday (Car Show, Bride of Jake Contest, Cake Parade, Live Bands, After Party & More!) pages of this site for the outline of the next celebration.

With events for adults and children, the brave and the squeamish, one thing’s for sure: “Jake’s Weekend” is a whole lot of fun.

Bayou Bettie

Born in the swamps of Louisiana I truly understand Jake at his core. A

gator boy just lookin’ for some love! I grew up with gators and boys

of all shapes & sizes and they all want the same thing…if ya know

what I mean. This Southern Belle has a hankerin for some down home

lovin!

National touring burlesque performer & vaudevillian striptuese. Pinup

Model featured in Kustom Kulture Italia. Vintage blog writer, vintage

diva, housewife & mother. Doubles as preschool teacher!